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music is my heroin

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yea [25 Dec 2005|08:57pm]
So I decided I should update this sucker. Life's pretty damn good if I do say so myself. I did really well in school and such. I don't know if I will stay there next year though. I'm a transfering whore, what can I say. Tyler most likely will not be going there, so I either am going to go to NY or tyler, depending. I miss him right now. I saw him yesterday, but for like 2 hours, not enough, but I was working all week. I like bath and body in the city, so different from exton. Christmas was nice, even though we had some issues with my aunt, some people should not be moms, and my mom suprised us with ipods. Anyyway. I guess that's it. I'll start updating more often, i think.

american idol auditions [19 Sep 2005|01:01pm]
What an experience. 12 hours in a car overnight with Tyler, was actually one of the most fun times I had in my life. It was amazing, I love him so much, and thank him for all his support. When we got to Chicago at 7:30 a.m, the line already had a good 4,000 people in it, and we were in the beginning of it. Overall more than 10,000 people showed up maybe even 20,000. The first day they just gave us wristbands and tickets and told us how we would audition, then let us go. You were allowed to sleep in the stadium, but we got a hotel, which was really nice. Tyler and I were lacking on sleep and were walking around like zombies. We visted Melissa which was cool, even though we were hardpressed to find her dorm (streets in chicago just start and end) So the next day we went and got in line at 6:30 a.m. We were twice as far back. It was pouring rain and was below 60. After an hour and a half we were in Soldier field, but we had to wait another 3 and half hours before they started auditioning. Everyone was freezing to death, and the whole stadium was open aired. But Idol producers did come up to interview me during that time (they did that to very few people) and sat with me for about 10 minutes. Tyler said it was def. the bright gold shoes I had on that were attracting me so much attention. They were auditioning by section starting at section 148 and i was in 128, and there was about the same amount of sections behind me. From sections 134-124 they let in 5 people to the second round. Overall 300 people were let in and 200 of them were boys. The boy sitting next to me got up, he was nothing phenominal. You could tell they wanted white boys, that could sing soul. They were asking everyone if they could sing motown. When I auditioned they told me that I had a lot of talent, but the bar was raised this year, and they were looking for something specific, but to keep trying. I really wasn't devestated at all. The way back was a bit longer, some sleeping at rest stops and visits to colleges, it was fun. Chicago is gorgeous...

[09 Aug 2005|12:33am]
well last week was my family reunion. it was awesome this year actually, my family was really cool towards me. buttt the whole week got a bit shaky. at one oclock in the morning on wensday my uncle came to our door (we stay at the house across the street due to lack of room at my grandmas) and asked me to get my dad bc my grandmother was having trouble breathing. so my dad went to the inn where my gradma stays, due to lack of room in her house ha, where an ambulance came to get her. She wasn't complaining of chest pains but it turned out that her arteries were completley clogged and she needed triple bypass surgery. It was weird bc on monday when i was talking to her I had this eerrryy feeling something was going to happen to her. but the surgery went fine, and shes going to rehab for a few weeks. which im so thankful for, she really is, as much as she can be a brat, a good lady.

I went to philly after. tylers parents came down, and seriously I could of had a heart attack, his dad is so freaking intimidating. I was nervous to even eat around him. i was so thankful for my dad after that experience.

[24 Jul 2005|02:15pm]
[001]i love tortellini
[002]i actually still sometimes listen to the Backstreet Boys
[003]i love love love the stars
[004]i am obsessed with polaroids
[005]i love graphic design
[006]i'm trying out for American Idol haha
[007]i get into fights very easily, bc i don't back down, even when I know I'm wrong
[008]i love piano and sax together.
[009]i like dancing like a crazy person, even when people are around
[010]i love dying my hair

[001]make a name for myself
[002]prove to myself I can do whatever I put my mind to.
[003]travel the world.
[004]do some kind of missionary work
[005]sing with elton john.
[006]get married.
[007]own a FULL walk-in closet.
[008]see my grandkids.
[009]go to the moon.

[001]be honest.
[002]be yourself, no matter how crazy.
[003]dance around in your underwear in front of me.
[004]don't be afraid to sing, even if you can't.
[005]be adventerous
[006]talk about anything and everything
[007]have an awesome sense of humor.
[008]love cats :)

[001]myself ha.
[003]people that can't be themselves.
[004]people that can't see the beauty in themselves.
[005]high socks.
[007]slow drivers.

[003]that music is the cure to everything.
[005]you make your destiny.

[001]the dark
[002]the future


[001]wake up
[002]read livejournal/community/ohnotheydidnt for all my celeb gossip.

[001]go to london
[002]play the piano

[18 Jul 2005|12:54am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

ughh. i can't describe why i think so much about my weight lately it blows, im not depressed at all, not resorting back to old habits, in fact i'm so freaking happy with my life right now, but im not happy with my body, im happy with everything else, but i just can't get a grip on this self image thing. sometimes im so paranoid about it it hurts, but i dont know what to do. i feel like i'm out of control eating, and crap at that. fuck this.

life is awesome otherwise, tyler and i went to tower records in the city to get harry potter which i haven't gotten that far in and we went out to eat with his mom and sister. we also saw willy wonka which was err creepy, odd, umm not that great, but not bad, i don't even know how to describe it.

i can't wait for school again

[03 Jul 2005|06:15pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

ahh aurora, possibly the most gorgeous place on this earth and im not really enjoying it all that much. i wish i knew why, I've just been so tired. I decifered its from eating really shitty and not excercising. When I was leaving temple I was eating well and excercising and now im just eating crap and sitting on my lazy ass. I think i gained like 3 pounds too or something, though it looks like more. Oh well, just time to show myself I can get fit again, sometimes I even LIKE running. whoa. Anyways my sister's boyfriend is hilarious. We got so high last night and ate like the whole pantry. he did a stop drop and roll in the middle of our lawn on the way out to his car and he discussed his drunken habits while making fun of a severely drunk Erin. I can't wait til he's my brother in law (the ring is soo pretty, he showed it to me he should be proposing monday!)

well I watched live 8 and was not impressed, at all. I know it was supposed to be for africa and raising awareness, but they showed hardly any full performances and even cut off pink floyd. Of course I signed my name to the petition, but I would of like to see Robbie.

I miss Tyler, yea I am a sap. Its been like a week since I've seen him and I won't see him for another week because of work, but the first day we do get to see each other will be our 3 months. wow time flies.

I need to find some happy medium between work and my life, I'm working close to 10 hour shifts every day coming home and sleeping, once in a while going to philly, only to pass out there. I have no time to enjoy myself and my friends. Jen and I hang out a lot, which really, she's the only person that matters. But I am going to hang out with Doyle when I go down to philly again, and I need some time to hang out with a few other girls.

summers really flying.

oh p.s. my roomate assignment got screwed up. I'm mad. I'm not paying unreasonable prices to live with someone I don't know. Amanda and I are going to kill U.V.

[15 Jun 2005|09:17pm]
[ mood | thankful ]

So I never update this freaking thing, anyways life lately is nuts. i've been working a ton at r.r. country club, with my best jenny :)... the people i work with are pretty cool. I'm so school sick but i go to philly a lot. tyler and i got a kitten, biggie, aka emma, then we found out he wasnt a girl, so robert. they boys are mad that im trying to call it a different name muha. he's adorable and really little. tyler and i went to dorney and i got really burnt, but it was so much fun. we rode like almost every ride. i love that boy to death, he takes me to a whole different level of happiness. life's changed a lot, i don't hang out with the same people, even though i would like to sometimes, I've changed. I do so much now and i dont let people get me down. I've made mistakes in my past, but hey, they've built me up and anyone who wants to bring them up to rub them in my face or make me try to say sorry, it's not happening.. cough ex's cough. even though it would be nice to be friends with tim still, but i think we both changed, we've both moved on and have different lifes and house a little bit of anger for one another. him probably more then me. one of tyler's frat brothers just died, it's awful to see him so low, i wish i could help him more. i just don't understand why people shoot other people. i guess thats all for now...

summer time. [14 May 2005|05:56pm]
[ mood | happy ]

so moving out was severly depressing. I love temple. great choice. Tyler and I are so pitiful that it took one night and we were back together in kutztown. Can you say total culture shock? not much there at all. Tyler came back to west chester with me, and was just as suprised with the amount of stuff to do here. But the people in kutztown seem to do more interesting things than us, i dunno, they were a lot of fun. I'm so glad I met tyler. I was so stuck on tim for a while i didnt even let him in, but once I did I realized he is possibly one of the most amazing people ever. Now I actually know what true love is, not that I didnt love Tim, but he was my first love , and it's something totally different. Moving back into my room has been hellish, so I've pushed myself to run to procrastinate. I hadn't worked out in like forever, so I decided I needed to get back on track. Last night I did Carmen Electra's strip aerobics. There is no aerobics in that, its just trashy, I should have known. My sister said she could actually feel it, all i can say is pitiful. I start work memorial day, I was suspended from bath and body works bc of my lip ring. o well, im getting paid 2 dollars more at Radley..
p.s. for once in my life im proud of my mom. they asked her to be on viva la bam, to teach april art, but she passed, saying it could jepordize her job. Thank God. I would kill her for being on that show.

I get to see Tyler again tonight :)

ha [27 Apr 2005|01:47pm]
[ mood | blank ]

i have 20 minutes to finish reading othello and write a response. damn IH... I seriously think I have some sleeping disorder I can never wake up. Anyways I had a big fall out with Tim, which I blame myself for half of it, and him for the other half, I'm just going to wait for him to call me sometime, I've said i was was sorry, thats all I can do. Buttt I do have a new boy. Tyler, he's really cool, it's hard adjusting though, It's like comfortable by John Mayer, like Tyler is so good to me, but I still think of Tim... boo. Anyways I've been so sick lately. Allergies I think. I really should read.

fuck this. [21 Apr 2005|12:07pm]
[ mood | silly ]

life has just been so hectic lately. I really don't know how much worse it could actually get, but I know it will start to look up. I had to start seeing a nutritionist again considering i lost like 10 pounds in like a week. not on purpose, I just don't have time or the will to eat. Like I never get hungry, I never get anything. I'm so sick of school work, one more week of classes. I should be in class right now, but ha! I'm going really late bc I hate math. I have about four extra credit papers due next week. I really miss a certain someone in my life. I know they're still there, but it's not the same. I just bought new pants last week, and now they don't fit. I give up. they're a size four. Not good. I really wish I had an appetite, I hate knowing I just can't eat. it sucks really bad. I'm forcing myself as much as possible, I can't wait til summer when I can sit around and eat and eat and eat... I think I'm just going to be back in my zone at home.

p.s. new tattoo gothic A on my hip.. hot...

Aw my cousin got confirmed and I was her sponser. I love her to death. If anything has been carrying me through these last weeks it's been family. They've been so great. Even my mom. Well and my really great friends here at Temple have helped too... not to mention my love jennifer rebecca.

I'm keeping a smile on. It's not worth it to get down.

here's some cute pictures from my cousins confirmation. Those Pregnancy like shirts rockCollapse )

[20 Mar 2005|12:33am]
[ mood | depressed ]

please somebody get me out of this rut. i just can't feel anymore.

well [21 Feb 2005|01:18pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

i guess i havent updated in a while. nothing new really happens in my life too much. i'm pretty content with that too. it's the little suprises in a day that makes them. Valentine's day was amazing, i have the best boyfriends ever. the waitress knew exactly what we wanted at dinner and we had only been there onces before. We visited tim's "uncle" in his assisted living home. the guy was so excited. it's stuff like that that can totally brighten your day. as for college, i love it here. i can't say i am the most faithful class goer or studier, but i make it through. i made it into the temple talent show.. wooo.. come see me haha march 29th... umm hmm i dont think there is much else.. i guess im just really not interesting lol.

[05 Feb 2005|02:33pm]
i swear i will never love someone as much as i loved you.

[01 Feb 2005|10:30am]
grr my roomate eats like a fucking horse. slurp slurp slurp.. GROSSS, and really aggrivating to say the least. I'M GONNA FREAK OUT IN LIKE TWO SECONDS, who eats like that?!!!!!!!!!! sorry. its just really gross my biggest pet peeve is people eating loud. not only that her food smells like ass. no it really does. i have 3 air fresheners and it stil smells, greattt and now she just turned on her AWFUL vietnamese music. wow i am really pissed

[30 Jan 2005|07:32pm]
and the fun weekend ends with a blow.

yayy [27 Jan 2005|01:29am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

new layout. I actually bought a paid account ha. alright well anyways. As some as you know I transfered to Temple. I freaking love it here. soo much better than the Art Institute. Cafeteria, Campus. Etc... I can't wake up though, theres only one class i never want to go to .. psych.. hah my major, but one of my friends is in it so I'll wake up for it, hopefully... thats all I feel like posting.. haha comment if ya like the layout. I know the freinds part isnt up yet, lj is having issues with it.

[05 Jan 2005|01:36am]
so this is one of those entries that maybe should be a movie monolouge. read it, don't read it. it's just me thinking, you might find it interesting.

So I was driving back from tim's tonight at like 1:15 and i watched all the cars pass by me on 322 no faces just headlights, and I thought, it's funny how we could be driving past our future brother in law and never know it, or better yet we could be driving past the person who will kill us, but we never know. It's weird we take so much time in life to try to control whats going to happen next, but what do we know? There will always be somethiing bad in our lives, there will always be something good. We can't make our lives perfect. We can fight with all our friends and tell each other our wrongdoings, but in the end, you both are wrong, and you both feel guilty, why fight in the first place? We run laps to get ourselves thinner, when in the end we most likely will end up with skin sagging bc of a pregnancy or some extra fat, just because our metabolism slows down. If someone can't love someone for the way they are in the inside what's the point of working your ass off for them. Everyone says it's for themselves, but it truely isn't, in the end it goes back to something, someone. Diversity, individuality is one of the most prized things in our country, yet we all try to be the same. We are in constant fear of the next minute, the next hour, the next day, and we don't even know it.

so my new years resolution is to let it all just flow. take what comes with a smile, as much as i try to control it, i can't.

[03 Jan 2005|04:20pm]
[ mood | infuriated ]

Is it weird that the only place i feel safe in my house is my room?

I can't go downstairs bc I fear that I'll get into some kind of fight with my mom or katie, I don't have to worry about my dad, I never see him. Staying in Erin's apartment for 2 days was amazing, I didn't have to worry about my mom making totally uncalled for remarks, I didn't have to worry about katie coming home wasted, I had me, and my best friend. Today my mom totally brought me down with one line. She and my dad let my sister go out and drink every single night, where she smokes like a chimney. She has an addiction, but they don't care, in their eyes she's so perfect. So now she has this awful cough that has been keeping me up all night, and I go "Katie, maybe it's time to stop smoking. I can't sleep with that cough." and my mom goes "Well at least you didn't have to listen to you throw up.". Why? why did she have to say that? She didn't even know I was doing that until I told her, and at that she congratulated me for losing weight. Has anyone watched Spanglish? when the mom buys the girl a certain size clothing that she doesnt fit into so that she'll lose weight? My mom did that to me all the time. God I hate her. I hate her and Katie sooooo much. I wish I could say I didn't. I hate that they both tear me down. Maybe not by their asshole comments, but by their actions. Why don't they do anything about Katie? Why am I the wrong doer in my family? I feel like I really am not wanted. They always are great at making me feel so incredibly little. I asked my mom for 20 dollars the other day to get stuff for school and she said, well you have your own money. I know I do, but I didn't want to waste it on shampoo and stuff. Funny how they give katie 20 dollars everynight to throw into a couple alcholic beverages. Jesus Christ, I can't take it. I just can't ...

I haven't cried in forever, I've been so happy, I am not letting two people ruin it. Especially to crazy people.

[31 Dec 2004|06:48pm]
i seriously think i have something wrong with my brain. i never can remember anything and i always get this huge hard pulsing feelings behind my one ear.
but with that said
happy new year. it's going to be a good one. ( better to think positive right?)

[28 Dec 2004|10:35pm]
So this week has been strange. Monday was the funeral of one on my best friends from grade school's dad. I don't remember much of him except his chair in their basement and the dinners I ate with him. I didn't actually get to see Maureen at the funeral at all. It was pretty crowded. I was happy for that, you always need the support at things like that. Maureen and I are going to go out to breakfast sometime before we go back to college. We really need to catch up, we have seperated ourselves, and it's wierd that cancer brought us back together. maybe the only positive thing cancer will ever ever do.

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